How I learned ‘trust’ from my parents relationship

My mom passed away 7 years ago and I still learned a LOT from her.

Mom and Dad started to date back in ’89. My mom showed me her ex back in the days long ago before Dad and honestly, they were WAY better looking than my Dad. I smirked because she was always made fun of the guys I dated telling me they were uglies, like, hallo? still one of a fun memories I remember of us. But then again, it was her fate to married my Dad, till death do them part, 21 years of marriage. They’ve come a looong way.

Prior to marrying my Dad, on their engagement day, my Dad parents showed my mom and her family, the ‘assets’ my Dad owned in his hometown, which I assumed to smoothen the process of asking her hands from her parents. Fast forward, they got married in ’91, and left so-called assets he owned and started a new life of two in, nowhere but a paradise called Bali. This is why I have a huge love for the island. I’m proudly ‘made’ in Bali.

Through their 21 years of wedding, my Dad NEVER, once again, I emphasise, NEVER receive his salary in full. So ALL of his income go straight away to Mom’s account. She was the one deciding what to do with the money. Trust fund, saving, yadda yadda yadda, she handled it.

Did my Dad EVER complained? He was the one initiating the idea.

My mom gave him his credit cards and cash equal to $10 (yep just that) for an emergency use, which mostly ended up for the mosque on friday prayer. She gave him petrol allowances every week and provide him his cigarettes. So technically, my Dad needs no use of the money because my mom gave him all he need.

The day my Mom in the ICU, we ran out of money, because clearly, there was no money in my Dad’s account. And her account? no one knows her PIN number, not even Dad. Her medication was not covered by the insurance because she was in a private hospital and in a very private room we asked for some family privacy. Bills ranked up daily, and it started from $1k, and I swear that was a lot of money for a medication in a developing country. The last hope was to fly her by the copper to Bandung in a better hospital close to her family, which was about to cost us $35k. And my Dad NEARLY agreed to pay that because HE CAN’T RISK OF LOSING MY MOM, and he’d literally do ANYTHING to save her life.

Why nearly? And I’m slightly tearing up as I write this. But my grandma, my mother’s mom, stopped him. She was tearing up when she told him not to do that, because there was really nothing else we can do. Mom was alive because all the live supporting devices attached to her and tons of meds they keep injecting to her. She was suffering, we all were, and it kills my grandma every single seconds. She told my Dad to keep the money for the kids future, and find other way to save my mom that won’t leave us penniless.

Those money my Dad earned were in my Mom’s account, and in the emergency case like that, CAN ONLY be accessed by the inheritors, which were me and my little sis. So me and my Dad had to go to couple banks, because apparently my Mom splits all the money in 4 different banks and accounts. I asked Dad which account had money the most to save the journey and he was like “I don’t know”.

The day Mom passed away, when everyone was gone, it was just the two of us, he burst into tears and said “Now that Mom is gone, as my first born, can you handle all the finances? Take care of everything.”

I was shocked, of course. I was ONLY 19 and I have never given so much responsibilities in life. My mom gave me my lunchbox and water bottle, I was dropped and picked up at school everyday and there was really no use of money. I only asked her for some money on school charity days or stuff.

So we gather all the important documents of my parents assets, which apparently, was ALL under my Mom’s name. Once again, they can only be accessed by the inheritors. Which left my Dad, truely, penniless as he got nothing left on his possessions.

I, then asked my Dad as to why he did that. His answer was utterly heartbreaking…

“I trust your mom with all my heart and everything I have in this life. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t have everything we have now. She handled things so pro; raising kids and managing the money. I might be the shipbuilder’s but she was the captain, and what is it a ship without it’s captain? I honestly don’t know how much I earned and what are the things we have until today. I was as shocked as you, because I don’t think I could afford these and that. Again, your mom is a pro, she was that good with the money, she saved it for a rainy day. And we could not thank her enough for everything she did for the family.”.

Now that is the kind of trust I need in life.

I look up to my parents so much, and they set the bar SO freaking high.

I’m not crying you are.

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