I can’t always be the healer

When I was in primary, getting into my second public school in a new place, I had to witness the first heartbreak of seeing my friend almost ended his education. His parents split up. His mom took his sister away from him and his father. Bad things happened with his work so he went into bankruptcy and his wife left him. That kind of sad story I thought I only saw on the TV. He then came back to school and came to my house all the time to talk about random stuff, probably getting something off of his chest. He grew up being a poet. He couldn’t express his childhood trauma, but he put it beautifully into words.

Then in middle school, another close friend of mine found out his dad has been cheating on his mom for years. He got another kid with his second wife. I remember he came to my house at 6 pm on Friday wearing a white shirt with bloody ears and head. My parents were shocked. We cleaned his wound, gave him food, and asked what happened. He got beaten up by his dad for defending his mom from being beaten by his dad. And after that he keeps coming to my house, updating me about his parents’ situation. Then playing in a band as a distraction.

In high school, my puppy love nearly moved away with his grandparents because his parents split up. His dad was also very abusive to his mom. He got smashed in the head when he defended his mom and came to my house bloody.

That was not a new experience anymore for my mom. For some reason, they are using my home, our home, as a safe house.

Then Armand, towards the end of our relationship, opened up about his parents splitting up. He told me how he wanted them to reconcile for the sake of their kids, his little brothers.

I keep telling every one of them that it’s okay if their parents have to split up. Maybe it’s for the best. I mean, you can’t live with someone who’s abusing you mentally and physically like that. It’s very unhealthy. If they are happier to be apart, let them be.

But Armand was not one to listen to me. He insisted on forcing his parents to get back together. Just like how he insisted us to fix our broken relationship. Simply because we have been together for nearly a decade.

And then Brandon, his parents actually split up shortly before his mom passed away. He had trauma and found a nurturing figure on his Oma. That was probably the reason why he cheated on me with an older woman.

Then suddenly I see the pattern.
Suddenly, I see what’s been happening around me.
Broken people will seek for comfort. They will come to someone or do something they thought could heal them. They came to me.

After that realization, I started to realize other things.
People reacted and behaved based on the situation of their surroundings.

I didn’t even mad at Brandon for cheating on me, because he probably needs a mature, motherly figured and he couldn’t get it from me.

I didn’t even mad at Armand because he insisted on us being back together. He was the firstborn that hold the shit together for the family. I feel his pain, having to hide this from his brothers. Being the one hurting of the idea of having parents that stays together forever.

So what am I to them? a healer? My parents were thankfully alright until death do them part. But what if I told them that I need someone to listen to my story and heal me too?

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